important decisions

Here I am, a senior in high school, ready to make some of life's most important decisions. One being what to do I want to do with my life and were will I go to become this.

But guess what...

I'm not ready.

I am confused, frustrated, annoyed, angry, and worried. I don’t have enough money to pay for college—not by a long shot. How can I pay for the type of college I want to go to? One way is by getting scholarships, but they are hard to get. If I don’t get a 31 on the ACT I can kiss that full ride to UK goodbye! Not that UK is my first choice, honestly the only way I am going there is if I can manage to go for free!

I thought I wanted to go to a private college—one that will help me to realize who and what I want to be. However, after extensive research it seems that anywhere I go will help me to do this.

This dilemma wouldn’t be so terrifying if it was not for the fact that my family has unknowingly placed more pressure on me than I can handle. My mother only talks about how much college will cost and how I have to go where we can afford. My father does not understand my desire for a different life outside of Kentucky. My uncle wishes for me to go to the most prestigious colleges. Each person in my family have their own idea for my life. I think it is actually their own lives they wish me to lead. That they had something they wished they could do, but couldn’t. I have become their outlet for success.

Well guess what my loving, over caring, intimidating family, I have no idea what I want to do with my life! It is as if I went through high school believing that I could do what ever I wanted to do, but I don’t even know what that is! I wish everyone would just not talk about it and let me figure my life out on my own, and let me ask for help before everyone dives in trying to fix it!