Forgiveness that Sets Me Free

I hold grudges. I do not intend to, but sometimes it is impossible for me to forgive people for their actions. For the past year, my heart has been holding onto some painful memories and multiplying them. In the process, I have caused myself endless amounts of hurt for absolutely no reason. Also, I did not forgive myself. When I made mistakes I would beat myself up again and again, as if I could be perfect. These unrealistic expectations kept building, and finally caught up with me.

What did I gain from this? A few pity parties, tears, and some resentment.

Did I gain anything positive? The answer is no.

What I have needed, for quite sometime, is to forgive. What brought this about was that I allowed my heart to be open, one thing I never did. But in that openness I was hurt, which made me vulnerable. In that horrible moment, of feeling so wounded and defenseless, I called for God to come into me once again.

That’s when miracles happen, when you turn to God fully and unconditionally in your lowest and most humble of moments. He comes in to heal and to love in such abundance that I can hardly write just thinking about it. That is where we should put our trust and faith, with him we should feel free to be vulnerable and open. So I asked him for forgiveness and he gave it. Then I asked for help in forgiving others, and he helped. Jesus says “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.” How great is our God?

Forgiving is one of the most freeing things one can do! But not only that, I needed to ask people to forgive me, because I held so much against them. I harbored these feelings and they got in my way of seeking God; they became like heavy chains. Jesus says “therefore, if you are offering your gift at the alter and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the alter. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift.” This still applies to the present times. Although animals are not sacrificed, we still need to come before God with a clean heart. Sometimes we need to step back and reevaluate our relationships with others to find out more about our faith.

For me, I needed to forgive, just as my amazing Savior forgave me. I was so humbled when I finally realized how much my pride and bitterness had taken over. I could not help but feel overwhelmed with guilt.

The most unbelievable part of this is that He, the all powerful and all knowing God, took it all away. It was so simple, and yet so magnificent at the same time. I encourage everyone to forgive, and not just when dealing with others, but when dealing with yourself as well.

giving it to God

Today was my first day of classes, and I broke a nail. The latter, although it may seem insignificant is actually very much the opposite, because I never break my nails! I was shocked that it happened. In even more interesting news, I changed my mouse to the dinosaur style. Now every time something is taking forever to load a little dinosaur pops up and looks like he is walking in place. Control yourself, the excitement might be hard to handle.

On to more interesting parts of the day.

I woke up this morning with only two classes on my schedule (Yeah, not a good outlook as far as graduating on time). However, I did not feel worried. This does not mean I’m only taking two classes, I have signed up for 15 hours and may add one more. They are all my general education requirements, no more major classes. I feel unbelievably positive about this semester! I am going to have time to focus on my relationship with God and start making a better effort to figure out who I need to be as a woman. Plus, it is going to be nice to relax a little bit more.

While I’m not at all certain of what my future holds, whether in my major or career choice, I am certain of my faith. God is with me and will unveil his plans in time. Now all I need to do is have some patience and listen.